can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
