At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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