I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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