At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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