Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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