are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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