I got chris browned last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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