I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize