My entire life is one complicated drinking game
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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