I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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