How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
