I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
