i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize