Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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