Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
