I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
