Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
