i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
