don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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