Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
