hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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