I'm really into asian looking animals
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
