i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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