There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
