I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
