you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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