I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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