I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I showed him my bush... on skype.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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