So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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