I think I am morally bankrupt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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