We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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