Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to make a zoo with you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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