dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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