girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
