2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
