FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
