He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
