dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
