..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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