WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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