i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
