i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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