I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
