a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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