That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
barbara walters just said penis...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
