their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
