i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
