ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
