They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
