John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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