Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
