i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
