I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
