She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
