You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
