Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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