When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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