i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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