There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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