it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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