I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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