if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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