I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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