You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.