I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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