Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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