ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?