I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
