Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage